Crazy kids on our stairs

Follow up notes

If you haven't read this blog I wrote, you may want to first.

The irony is not lost on me that Jesus was hungry and blasting a defenseless fig tree with barrenness after "leaving Bethany." ha! That's funny. Our baby is incredibly cute and I can't imagine life without her. I am thankful she's here, but sometimes, I feel the same darn way. I can appreciate that Jesus had hunger. Even though he could feed thousands with a single loaf. To me, I relate to this as a hunger for God's provision. A "what about me?" moment.

Seriously though. When I visit a link such as this one, I realize there is nothing "defenseless" about a fig tree at all. The very nature of the fig tree seems significant in this story. Look at the massive size of the tree, the abundance of delicious fruit, the way the roots are so expansive and copious. In certain pictures, the sheer massive size lends itself to supporting homes. In other pictures, the roots find their way across faces of cliffs. When a tree like this is barren, it takes up a lot of space but doesn't produce much fruit. It reminds me of the far-reaching effects of my words and actions, especially with my children. I have been seeing the "Veggie Tales" version of a fig tree in my mind...which would probably look something like a little cactus in the middle of a huge desert with Larry the cucumber looking on...while in actuality, it is an impressive, impactful organism which occupies a sizable portion of the landscape.

Notice the position of the verses. The part I kept out was the incident with the moneychangers after Jesus cursed the fig tree and prior to the disciples noticing it had withered. This reminds me of how our greater, "justified" anger over social issues can bleed over into our personal responses to life's challenges. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, this election has started to emotionally ick me out, and all of the world's affairs right now are bleeding into my daily waking life. How to maintain a balance of awareness and to contribute positively in the many areas of this world's need while not teetering on the edge of the muck and even falling in periodically?

Certain times like these, I realize I am holding onto myself very tightly and not permitting God to work on the areas in me that I so desperately need Him to. I have been humbled...no...deeply shaken would be the better phrase...at God's transforming love, His ability to erase entire thought patterns and destructive tendencies. I mean this completely literally. Certain habits I have held onto so tightly, once I have truly pried my own fingers off, have completely withered and disappeared in an instant, permanently and completely. I need to do this now and let go to Him because I want to have faith in Him and not stay focused on my neediness.

In Matthew, Jesus questions his disciples straight up about their physical hunger: "Why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread?...How is it you don't understand that I was not talking to you about bread? Be on your guard against the yeast..." (Mt 18:8,11) He refers to the yeast, the quality that permeates and causes to rise, the "heart stuff."

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." (Mt 5:13) and in Mark, "Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other." Salt, a flavor and preservative, more distinctly necessary then, of course, in an age with no refrigerators! I'm thinking of a delicious and nourishing jar of preserved, vibrant salmon in the darkness and freezing cold of the arctic winter.

On that note, I think I hear sweet Bethany now waking up for an early morning snack. More later.

Doing anger like Jesus

Certain books in the Bible strike me as surprising. There are a lot of surprises in the Bible. If all you remember are your Sunday school versions, you may want to sit down with it again. It will make you laugh, cry, nod your head, raise an eyebrow.

I'm not sure I would have ever taken the Bible seriously without the book of Ecclesiastes in it. One of my struggles, especially in the past, was an overwhelming sense of life's meaningless. While I feel healed of this existential crisis, the very fact that Solomon wrote about it in such flat terms kept a door open to me.

In the past, I have nodded my head appreciatively at the idea that Jesus can feel our pain~~that he knows our struggles, that he has been there. But I'm not sure I totally believed it. I struggle with anger. I can really take things personally. When my children opt to spend their whole day ignoring me, or when they spend the day screaming at each other (all of these are~~slight~~exaggerations), or any number of angering behaviors and failures on my own part, I sometimes quake with an inner rage that reminds me of how much I struggle at times to maintain a finger on the pulse of reasonableness.

Then, I get all existential. My old fallback position. Why, God? Why have you placed me here? Didn't you need more doctors in the world? Why is mothering so hard?? Why has my life come down to this very moment?! You probably think this all sounds petty, but I don't just take it personally. I take it personally in an existential sense, as though God just isn't on my side.

So I've thought to myself, Alright, Jesus, you supposedly understand our trials. But the only anger I could remember him having was justified anger. Anger about the moneychangers in the temple, when he heads in and overturns all their tables in a rage. It is a very human moment, but it is a very justifiable moment. As much as I appreciate this show of human anger, there's a purpose. My anger often doesn't have a compelling one, and I really have to struggle to control it at times. My anger doesn't necessarily "have a point."

Then I remembered the fig tree. Scrambling to the 11th chapter of Mark, I realized that this oft overlooked story spoke deeply into my own struggles, in its simple and understated way.

12The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it...

19When evening came, they went out of the city.

20In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. 21Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

22"Have faith in God," Jesus answered.

This portion is just for me. I mean, it may be just for you too. But it speaks into my heart that Jesus gets it. He really does. I can so relate to his annoyance in that moment. That exasperation with the basic reality that "it was not the season for figs." Even though he was hungry. So he took it out on the plant. Not a human. Not God. But the plant. And they pointed out the results of his anger, and Jesus answered, "Have faith in God." I'm sure there are more meaningful ways to interpret this, but this version is enough for me for now.

Blast the fig tree. Have faith in God.

My new happy place

Our clothes dryer broke down last week. It became clear, after spending a full day trying to dry a load of cloth diapers, that the poor machine was wheezing its last breath.

At first, I'm sure I grumbled a bit. 'Who has time to go to the laundromat?' I must have thought. Yet now I ask, Who doesn't have time?? What an unexpectedly appreciable turn of events!

As many parents will attest, laundry can become a seemingly impossible, unending task. While I feel I had a fairly goodish grasp of the laundry~~meaning, it got done~~it seemed to be perpetually in progress while never quite getting put away enough to my liking, with children going through the dryer to find matching socks and me constantly reminding them of their job to put away their stacks of clean clothing. In other words, occasionally, it seemed to take over the entire house and my day (or week) along with it.

Enter broken dryer. Thank you God! We packed up all our dirty clothes, sheets, towels, etc. and I headed to the local laundromat. Alone. I~~get this!~~brought a book with me! I quickly realized that laundromats have turned high tech and I headed to a nearby store to exchange my ready rolls of quarters for paper bills to feed the device that loads an electronic key card of sorts that operates the machines (fancy!).

I got four loads of laundry started, dried them in two large batches, and walked out of there in under 2 hours with every shred of laundry in my house clean and folded! If the italics seem excessive, then you have never tried to keep up with laundry for a house of 6 (or seven during the summer), including one very ooey, gooey baby. I'm excited!

The only hitch in the equation are Bethany's cloth diapers. I opted not to ick out the whole of Eagle River by washing her cloth diapers at the laundromat. I ran them through their two wash cycles at home and then brought them, clean, to the laundromat with the rest of the clothes to get dry at that point. I then washed them again last night and ran them over there for an hour to dry them and get in some more reading time. Who needs a dryer when there are books to read? (My obliging husband plays a big role in this, of course.)

Is this the most cost effective option? Probably not. I haven't calculated what I spend on energy to say that with certainty, but the savings in time and household neatness and sanity may be more than worth it.

Passionate locals and a whole lot of humor

While you've probably seen the footage on national TV about Sarah Palin's warm welcome in Anchorage and Fairbanks last week, here are some photos of the protest after she left Alaska, as well as a few signs from enthusiasts here in Eagle River.



Then, if you haven't seen it already, grab a kleenex because this will make you laugh until you cry, no matter whose side you're on.

Update on our goldfish hospice

It has been commented~~and I have to agree~~that it is more fun to read (and definitely more fun to write) about issues~~ANY issues!~~other than politics. After my last blog, it became clear to me that political blogging is not the masochistic way I choose to get my kicks in the future and I will leave that to other bloggers. Now that we are several weeks post-Palin nomination, I feel crestfallen for the state of our nation. As my friend put it, it's like the homecoming dance all over again, where appearances reign and you don't even need an obligatory cause, like Miss America, to rule the roost. I would be far more excited about Palin if I felt she was actually thinking about the issues and interpreting them from a platform of knowledge and experience. Her dogmatic repetition of doctrine scares me.

So! Back to our goldfish! (Phew)

Last time I updated you all, Darth Fishee was providing hospice care to his tankmate Goldfish (I hesitate to say that its name, per our children, is Bethany Fishee, but because the fish is dying, "Goldfish" is fine for now) and Goldfish was contorting into a strange body shape and having a very tough time. Since then, the fish remarkably made a comeback, regained its swimming ability (while still having an apparent case of scoliosis) and has taken good care of itself for the last couple of weeks.

I admit, I have been watching with bated breath. Pardon the pun.

Two days ago, however, Goldfish began what just might have been the longest fish poop ever. It just went on and on. And then it broke off and another one started, and it occurred to me that probably this was the end...his or her little insides were starting to fail. The fish has been hanging out at the bottom of the tank, puckering its lips periodically. Just when I think I should euthanize the poor little thing, Darth Fishee steps up to the plate and boosts the sick fish up to the top so it can eat. I'm fairly certain this qualifies as "quality of life," but I certainly didn't expect to pay this close attention or care so much.

On a side note, I thought I'd share Wolfie's insight about gravity: "Fish who are alive have gravity, but fish who are not alive, don't have gravity."

Trying not to laugh.

My personal pie

I grumbled about having to take Communications 111 class for my nursing degree. Not because I feel snobby about my level of communication skills. It's just that I have studied these things before during various career paths and have taught classes for almost a decade. Then there's the whole five-kids thing, which means that my available time for classes is precious and if I can get out of a general ed requirement, I will. (It worked for my other degree-in-progress.)

No luck this time around. So tonight, I had my second Oral Communications class of the semester. I can't say I loved it!!! It's a late class after what are always exhausting days at home with the kids, and sitting through a lecture in a hot classroom doesn't jump out at me as the most exciting thing ever. But tonight brought something into focus that I wanted to share.

Tonight's class focused on identity and the person we present to the world. The instructor asked us to list the many roles we identify with. Examples would be: gender, family role, job, skill set, political party, religion, etc. Then, we were asked to divide these up into relative percentages based on how important they are to us, and to create a pie chart based on these percentages.

So I wrote out my list~~not in order of importance.

Wife
Mother
Student
Follower of Jesus Christ
Future nurse practitioner
Youth leader at church
Woman
Mentor
Writer
Friend
The neighborhood mom

Obviously, I could get a lot more deep and talk about past roles I have identified with and all that stuff, but this was a quick class exercise.

I made my circle and pondered the top labels. Follower of Jesus Christ. Wife. Mother. These were the top three, and I sat there wondering how to divide them up. I drew my circle and wrote "Follower of Jesus Christ" all along the outside. It is my soul's lens. He has changed me in my other roles. I can't put Him in His own unique category apart from the others. This might sound weird to you.

Then, being a wife and mother took up a huge chunk of my pie. The next most important roles to me were that of neighborhood mom (yes, I take that role very seriously!), friend, student, future nurse practitioner, youth leader, and writer. I have opted not to include percentages here, as it's hard to be specific. Who knows what the exact numbers are? There's also overlap. My role as mother definitely spills over into the dozen or so kids that hang out near our home at any given point, and my friendships show up at church, on the internet, and in person. Church includes time with the youth that we work with after the five o'clock service. Etc.

What did become clear is that "political party" did not show up on my list.

Every four years, I get miserably stressed. I get moody. I get unfocused. I get scatterbrained. I try my best to narrow down my viewpoints into a neat political party and pick a candidate. This year, my friend Jenna asked the question, "Who's watching the primary debates?" and from that point on, I engaged with this election and began watching, reading, and taking my role as American voter very seriously again for this upcoming round. I changed my mind about how to vote in the primaries at least three times.

The truth is, I have some viewpoints which would put me at odds with some of the closest people in my life~~viewpoints, beliefs, opinions that are the opposite of my loved ones, and others that are the same. Some of my personal viewpoints diverge from the political party I would otherwise identify with. I can feel myself getting more and more lost in the whole thing and finding it hard to discuss the election without taking a stand for one side or the other and being loud and opinionated in an area~~politics~~that really doesn't strike me as a huge part of my identity at all. One might argue that it's impossible to separate oneself from politics. Probably it is, but here I blog. I am, by the way, remarkably endowed with the gift of sarcasm, but as it states in Proverbs, Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you... (2:11)

So this exercise showed me that I don't consider a political party to be a vital aspect of my identity. Walls have not come up between me and my friends, but being able to state this outright makes it clear to me that I don't want walls to divide us over something so unique to our individual experiences and perspectives. I don't want to feel obligated to "figure it all out" either. My own uncertainties~~the areas I cannot make into a box around myself~~are probably going to remain that way. Simply living life day to day and doing my best to be useful and loving to my brothers and sisters is challenge enough. As I attempt to communicate my perspective with others, I pray we truly can seek to understand each other and let our hearts be open.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ~Mt 22:37

Even as I get ready to post this, I wonder if I am not being firm enough along certain lines...that ambiguity is terribly unfashionable in politics...that black and white is the name of the game. There are some issues I feel very black and white about, and others less so. The black and white issues are my politics. And I do believe we have an obligation to fight for the issues that matter deeply to us. But does that mean a vehement blog or article about it? Or does that mean grassroots work at the level it occurs, dealing more with the face-to-face of it all? Or both? I pray I can go forward with discretion and understanding and, as my instructor puts it, "achieve the task of communication while maintaining relationship." That is my goal and hope.

How you should be tough (right after Hillary says what she's supposed to)

Now that Sarah Palin and, consequently, Alaska is in the spotlight, I can observe~~unfortunately~~more clearly than ever how a political figure gets plastered with everyone's causes. It's as though the whole country is "putting on" their stuff all over her and all over Alaska.

This article appeared in Newsweek and demonstrates what I'm talking about. It is written as a letter to Hillary Clinton~~"What she should say." That alone makes me raise an eyebrow. Hillary, apparently, is not having the right thoughts or saying the right things, so Patti Davis is going to tell her what she should say, as a Woman Who Knows Women. Part of what Hillary should say apparently is as follows:

There are many definitions of toughness. Most women would probably define it as meeting the daily challenges of raising a family in an increasingly treacherous world. They would think about the nights with no sleep sitting up with a sick child, or a race to the emergency room with a child in pain. Most would not define toughness as the ability and willingness to shoot and kill an animal. Nor are they impressed by seeing a woman brandishing an assault weapon, or sitting on her couch with the skin and head of a dead grizzly bear behind her.

I found this paragraph very telling. It implies that the second part of the paragraph about shooting animals is the part that describes Sarah Palin's demonstration of toughness...not the rest of the paragraph, which of course are issues she also deals with, and rather obviously at that. She gets up in the night to pump breastmilk and has most likely accompanied her child to the emergency room and done any myriad number of things mothers do. She also has a career, with all of its challenges of balancing work with family. She also happens to hunt. And do other stuff.

Here is a double-standard which is all over the media about Sarah. It goes something like "Sarah doesn't represent my view of toughness and therefore has no worth as a public figure or government representative." In other words, don't accept all of Sarah's practices, viewpoints, and lifestyle as "Sarah." Rather, it is up for grabs as okay or not, and since it isn't how I live (and it's kind of weird and icky) she can't possibly represent the Real Woman. Nevermind that most women in America go to the supermarket to buy cow, chicken, turkey, and various other animals, as well as their byproducts like milk and cheese. Sarah literally brings home the moosemeat and this is the vast divide between her and every other. Are we really like this with each other?

I'm weary with the implications of a phrase such as "willingness to shoot and kill an animal." Yes, it's far easier to buy it in the grocery store, but to actually kill and eat a moose! Lord forbid! WE women don't buy that definition of toughness.

Hunting is a fact of life here, as you may have gathered. People here are not [insert disparaging terminology that some use to refer to country folk] who like to kill stuff for the sake of something to do, right before tipping the weird cows that graze in the residential neighborhoods of Palmer. I can think of four or five people I know right now who are hunting for a big year-long stash of meat in their chest freezer. Most of the state is off the road system. Food costs a lot here and subsistence living is not just a posh hobby but a way of life. Even if someone can go to the store, like Sarah Palin and all of us people on the road system, does that mean we have to go to the store? Are we only able to be "green" in an acceptable way if we use a cloth shopping bag and go to some overpriced store where the food is registered organic?

If only Sarah Palin was ugly. If only she wore a suit of reasonable proportions and didn't look like a bombshell. If only she would tell us all in the first five minutes of her campaign exactly how she feels about every single issue known to man. Then we might be able to accept her. But until then, we will label her with every term in the book and make endless assumptions that may or may not pan out. Because she used a teleprompter during her speech (like every other politician at either convention) she must not have any original thoughts or have a brain in her head. The political cartoons are killing me. They are so sexist I can barely stand it.

Now, in fairness, it's reasonable to expect her to start doing interviews soon because we as Americans with a candidate on the ballot have the right to learn more about them, straight from their own mouths. And maybe she will clearly be the wrong woman for the job...or maybe she will continue to excite people with a new possibility in politics. But I fear that it will not matter what she says or what she does in her life~~it has already been observed through the lenses of either political party and she can no longer be simply herself. And it makes me wonder how often this happens with anybody.

The tiniest snail ever

Today was our very first time going berry-picking.

Shocking, I know. We have lived here for three years almost, and we have never gone berry-picking before. But a friend invited us to her house to pick cranberries in their backyard and we said yes.

I envisioned a bear-free, fenced-in yard. But up in the hills of Eagle River, the chances are unlikely that the yard will be either. So we tromped through lovely foliage, thick and wild and ungroomed, and found two big cups full of cranberries.

Berry-picking makes us happy, I found out. The boys got bored after a short while, but Zoya and I very much enjoyed looking deeply at the nature around us. We looked more closely at each plant, each tree, the ground under each step we took, than we otherwise do.

And there on the inside wall of our cup was the tiniest snail I had ever seen.

My husband mocked me when I told him about it. He said, "Was it 'so cute'?"

"Why yes! It was the cutest snail ever," I replied. He knows I have a thing for snails. Once, in a rain storm, I moved every one of the dozens of snails from my driveway to the wall of the house because I couldn't stand the idea of a car crushing any of them. (I was pregnant with Noah at the time, which could have explained my emotional state, but I have retained a love of snails ever since.)

This particular snail was the size of the tip of the pencil, but sure enough, it had a slimy bottom and a little corkscrew shell, and it was making its way slowly but surely up the inside of the cup.

By the time we got the berries home, the snail was gone! Who knows where the little fella escaped to, but I'm sure he's sliming it up like crazy, hightailing it back to his favorite cranberry bush.

In the meantime, I have since enjoyed a bowl of oatmeal with fresh cranberries and some sugar.

There's no going back.

I must tell you that, the day of Palin's speech, I felt deeply, emotionally moved by her being on the ticket. Truly. I got quite weepy. I felt represented as a woman and mother for the first time. I understand that not every woman or person agrees with her viewpoints about women's issues, but her very unexpected rise to this possible position in our nation made me proud and touched. Apparently, that makes me sexist, but that's how I felt. I felt pride not just as a woman or because she IS a woman, but because she did start from such humble roots and has taken such a surprising path, and because I love Alaska and I know she has fought hard for Alaskans. I expect she would do the same for Americans on a larger scale.

Then the speech happened and I felt floored that she pulled it off to such huge accolades in the Republican party and beyond. While I expected her to "hit it out of the park," actually witnessing this process was impressive. Even the Barack Obama fans in my family were impressed. I found the speech somewhat canned and not at all like the woman I've seen in office here. This has all been incredibly unexpected. I felt very aware of the political machine at work, grooming her behavior and words, giving her a speech, etc. It rather disappointed me and icked me out.

The venom, the sarcasm. I don't believe that women should be "well-behaved," but I do believe her to be a nice person. I have looked in her eyes and shaken her hand and have "watched her in action" here in AK and she is an awesome woman!! And here she is, playing right into the part. I want her to stay nice and sweet and accessible and I see that there is no going back and she is One of Them now. She acted so damn vice-presidential. I was and am proud and sad, all at the same time.

Now that a couple days have passed, I feel ready to be objective again and focus on the issues. The economy and the war are the most important issues to me. Getting out of this monstrous debt as a nation and getting back to a balanced budget. What are the candidates' specific plans to do so? What will we have to sacrifice on a personal level in order for this to happen? Still researching. Humorously, when I see excerpts of her speech now, I no longer experience it as "venom." She is successfully morphing into a new breed in my mind which makes it all seem perfectly normal.

Obama and his errors of omission

Fact Check.org

Firstly, I'd like to remind everyone of this site. I love this site for fact-checking the truths, half-truths, and lies that spring up during this election. It can be hard to sort through it all so I try to check in on a regular basis.

Secondly, it irked me when Obama was talking about Sarah Palin during the hurricane last week. Here's a recap if you don't know what I'm talking about. When asked about the experience factor, he conveniently forgot that Sarah Palin was governor of Alaska and purely focused on her mayoral position! Then, he couldn't be bothered to name the town correctly--he called it "Wasilly," not "Wasilla." Forget about Alaska.

Please note that, as much as Obama may talk about reaching across party lines and uniting people, he has toed his party's line 97% of the time. He certainly didn't reach all the way across to "Wasilly" in this hinterland to pick a vice president. Actions DO matter, not just words.

The paradox of "Wasilla" and "limelight"

Click here for an article about the recent news which reflects my own viewpoint.

And on that note, I am taking a break from the internet, the news, Facebook, and all my other closet addictions and spending some quality time with my family. AND GETTING MY HOMEWORK DONE!!! The fall semester waits for no election. :)

And now the questions...

I am starting to feel rather grimy after reading political blogs, news stories, and so on for the last many hours. Yes, I am sucked into the blogsphere regarding Palin, babygate, troopergate, etc.-gate, and can't seem to get out of it, even while I practically float away from too many cups of tea and really should get to bed.

Firstly, I am less than enchanted by Sarah Palin's self-described process of being picked as John McCain's choice for VP. The articles I'm thinking of are here and especially here. I'm getting the impression that she is opportunistically jumping on this wagon even while she has clearly established her own goals for herself and with her family and has not truly prepared herself for the terribly grueling process which will unfold these next 2 months. And will these next two months, if they do lose, ruin her politically? Cause ill will among Alaskans? There is already a great deal of negative buzz about her. And you know me---I really want to support her in this. But seriously, John McCain. This is beginning to look desperate, I'm sorry to say. (I know many people have written or thought this, so I don't mean to sound unique there! I know I'm not, but I've been a holdout.)

I think she is a highly capable person but to not even be aspiring in this direction until possibly another decade down the road and to give her one-day notice before tossing her onto the stage? That is a very risky course of action no matter who the candidate is, and she has not been secretive about her lack of ambition in the immediate future regarding a position in Washington D.C. I admire her willingness to take on this challenge and do it. She is putting a huge amount on the line...I can only presume that she believes herself to be capable. Now time will tell as she takes the national stage and begins answering questions. If ever there was a time for OMG!! it's now. I am a "worse case scenario" person so I do worry about "what if John McCain dies on his first day in office?" Strong leaders can gather strong teams of people together to get information gathered and to get a job done. I think experience is a little overestimated per se. But she does not have these established networks. She would, in fact, be simply at the mercy at whatever was in place already at the White House, essentially making herself a pawn. So I'm worried.

Secondly, there is some rather creepy stuff going on over here on the internet. Matsu Regional Hospital's website is down, where Palin reportedly gave birth this year. Also, Insurgent49's website, the progressive news site, has nothing but a logo on it at the moment. I noticed while going through the governor's website that her husband's bio has been removed, and other people have reported pictures that have been taken down. Politics just seems slimy all in all. If I am honest, it is the idea of Sarah Palin that I love. I am a mother of five, I plan to get a humble Bachelor's degree or two, and look forward to re-entering the workforce at some point. It is very encouraging to not just hear that "anyone can do it" but to see your average everywoman get to this position. So often we pay lip service to this idea, but it is usually the Rhodes scholars and Ivy-League grads and business tycoons who get to "play with the big boys." I want this to be true. But I'm definitely having concerns.

Now that it has sunk in...

My initial excitement about Sarah Palin has given way to the same curiosity most people are feeling about how she will manage in her new role as potential Vice President. As a newish Alaskan (we moved here three years ago from Los Angeles to escape big city life), I am thrilled on one hand and saddened on the other hand that we may lose our governor for good as she moves to the national scene. In fact, even at this point, "we can't go back." There's a sense she is lost to us on a state level, even while we potentially get her back at a national level. Alaska has a delightful sense of isolationism that will be lost, in part, as it takes the national stage in this way.

It is wearying, the amount of stereotyping that goes on with this sort of thing. I have deliberately avoided watching Jay Leno or listening to any of the comedians who ransack the news for material. Her hunting caribou becomes this big political statement. It's not, really. I can think of a dozen women I know around here who hunt, and that's just a fact of life around here. One young woman I know, age 9, has caught more salmon than most people will in a lifetime.

Another thing that becomes painfully obvious is that women, who have only "had the right to vote" for well under 100 years (that phrase deeply bothers me, as though we didn't "have the right" prior to that point), still face many biases and "lose-lose" situations when they enter the limelight like this. I have been distressed to hear criticism that McCain picked her "just because she's a woman." And yet, when watching her being introduced for the first time on CNN (my first mistake), they only showed the part of her speech where she discussed being a hockey mom on the PTA. They literally cut her off when she began discussing her actual political experience. How transparent can you get, CNN? I know you have been one of Obama's biggest fans, but do we not deserve at least an attempt at fairness here? Our democracy is in such big trouble when the press cannot be bothered to report the news but is more concerned with accurately portraying its own agenda. As much as it might bug liberated women out there that McCain in part picked her because she is a woman, she certainly used her brains and talents to get in position to be in the running, and anyone who looks at her as though she is merely there to be his cheerleader is looking through their own biases.

So once her very existence on the scene is accepted, the next order of business is to slam her for daring to do this while raising a young infant with down syndrome. I have heard many "gentle concerns" and not-so-gentle, downright rude and judgmental blasts about how she can possibly do this while "leaving her family behind." Um, like this?

Insert rant:

What more do you want, people? A return to the stone age? The woman has her baby with her on national television and talks with People magazine about breastpumping in the middle of the night!! She must have missed the memo from God about she should just bask in the glory of motherhood and forget about the whole governor thing, let alone the vice president "offer." Sigh. For the record, "just being a mom" is JUST FINE. But so is doing something else too. It doesn't make you better or worse, it just means you are a human being with certain skills, dreams, talents, desires, and callings, and have also procreated and participated in the invention of a new human. This should not isolate you but should enhance your experience of life while also giving this newly made person an experience of life also. In this interview, Palin gives a nice window into the goings on of having a baby in the middle of an already busy life.

There is the issue of her policy positions, many of which have largely been assumed because she is relatively unknown and also has only been a governor for under one term and not long enough to demonstrate decades of policy. Her Christianity is the neat box that people put her in and it is presumed by Democrats that she will proceed to foist it upon the country as soon as humanly possible, although she has not done that in Alaska and has, at times, vetoed thoroughly "evangelical" legislation due to its unconstitutionality in spite of her own preferences (sigh...why did politics become the forum of choice for this stuff? More later on that.)

Finally, there is the question of whether Palin is good for women--if she will better the conditions of women. Alaska has an interesting lack of sexism, in my opinion...young girls are taught right alongside boys to do all the Alaskan stuff that Alaskans do. This AK pride in having the "hottest governor" may sound incredibly crass to many "more liberated" people but it is hard to explain why that is a loving term of endearment that has practically nothing to do with lust and everything to do with Alaska. I will blog more about this issue of bettering the lives of women soon, attempting to tie it in with what I hinted at earlier in re: to marrying politics with morality.

It is my hope that as vice president, Palin will fight as hard as she does for Alaska to get resources into the households of America and that she will hold on to her disgust for "back-rubbing" and all the other practices that led to her entering politics in the first place. I'm still excited!