The seven seals of the scroll

I spent much of last week worrying about my hearing in my left ear. It seems to be getting worse. While reading aloud to the kids at night, it's like I have a dead zone in my head, and, while very minor, I notice some balance issues here and there.

This was freaking me out. It certainly could have been nothing and, upon consulting with my father who also has a bad ear, a problem has never been identified with his hearing, even after getting a CT scan. I had to consciously remind myself to hand this to God and try not to be so afraid.

I'm the kind of mom who stands in front of the big scary rock at the park while the kids are sledding to make sure I can veer them to the side just before they bust their heads open. I would be very happy if they wore their bike helmets (the big kind, with full skull coverage) every waking moment outside. So this was certainly a brain tumor. This might seem out of line with my so-called faith. Why bother with faith if I freak out about boulders? That is a subject for a later blog.

On Tuesday, my totally unbedsidey doctor (who has to work hard to smile, let alone chuckle at my unreasonableness) reassured me that there is no reason to think anything bad is going on, other than that the middle of my three ear bones seems to be loose and has caused my ear drum on the left to be rather wobbly and not have as much tension as it needs to facilitate normal hearing. It is, in the world of ear, nose, and throat specialists, a non-issue. So yay! I had written some of this blog prior to the doctor's appointment and it was full of trepidation. This one has turned into a yippee. But back to my big a-ha moment.

I had planned to get some prayer at church Sunday during the worship time. Then Sunday came and we went to church, and the selected Scripture deeply moved me. Pastor Mark spoke about chapter 5 of Revelation:

1Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. 2And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" 3But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. 4I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. 5Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals."

John turns, probably expecting to see a Lion, as Pastor Mark pointed out, but seeing instead a slain Lamb, who takes the scroll.

9And they sang a new song:
"You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased men for God
from every tribe and language and people and nation.
10You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth."

11Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. 12In a loud voice they sang:
"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and praise!"

13Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!" 14The four living creatures said, "Amen," and the elders fell down and worshiped.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="566" caption="Albrecht Durer's "Adoration of the Lamb""][/caption]

Without attempting to do this chapter justice, I simply lost all interest in praying for my ear. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're more than welcome to pray for it, and thank you! I certainly wouldn't complain if God tightened up my ear bone. But He has had other plans in store for my heart this week.

Reading Revelation is an intense experience, with such a contrast between the saints and angels who are worshiping the Lord and the dismantling of the world as we know it as the seals of the scroll are opened. As time goes on, I find myself not so much focused on what God has done for me, Mindy, and changed in me, Mindy, as I am simply amazed and appreciative of His gift to us all in Jesus Christ. My focus is shifting more to a basic appreciation that "it is done." (Rev. 21:6) I feel I am getting just a smidgen more of what it means to "let the peace of Christ rule in [my] heart," as Paul wrote in Colossians 3:15. He is nudging me on as I let go of myself a bit more. I wish I could say it as a more sweeping and total statement but I hold on more tightly to myself than that. It is one small yet joyful step at a time. My prayer for this year is that I can leap with both feet joyfully into the freedom He offers, rather than touching down a few toes into the top of the water.