Be Not Afraid!

 O man, why are you fearful? Why do you tremble before the face of the Lord because he comes? For he is coming to save the world, not to judge it. Long ago a faithless fellow servant induced you to steal the royal diadem and place it on your head. But you were discovered in the act. You had good reason then to be afraid. You had good reason then to flee from the face of the Lord...Now, however, in a land of exile, you eat your bread by the sweat of your brow, and look, a voice is heard on the earth proclaiming the coming of the Lord. Where shall you go from his Spirit? Or where shall you flee from his face? But don't fear, don't flee. He is not coming now in anger. He seeks you not for punishment but in order to save you. And so that you should not say, "I heard your voice and hid myself" (Genesis 3:10), look, he has become an infant, a little speechless baby.

His wailing cries should rather move you to compassion than fill you with terror. And even if possibly they are a cause for alarm for some others, surely they are not so for you. He has made himself a little one. His Virgin Mother wraps him in his poor swaddling clothes~~and are you still fearful and trembling? This alone should convince you that he comes not to destroy but to save you, to deliver and not to bind you: the fact that he is already fighting against your enemies, that he, as the power and wisdom of God, is already trampling on the necks of the proud and haughty demons.

You, O man, have two enemies, sin and death, that is, the death of the soul and the death of the body. Christ came to conquer both, and from both he will save you. So don't be afraid.

~~St. Bernard of Clairvaux, 1090? ~ 1153

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ New blog!

1. Hello there, world. I thought I'd join this Friday's Quick Takes in order to jump start my new blog. Thanks for stopping by.

2. The refrigerator is practically empty so I resolved to make a pot of soup with odds and ends. The most I managed to throw together was .75 pounds of stew meat, 1/2 cup of barley, 4 cups of pinto beans, and two big canisters of V8. I have not one vegetable in my house at this point since the 2 year old pretended to eat carrots while secretly burying them in the ranch dip.

3. I read that last entry and feel certain that I am still enormously rich if that is a soup I can "throw together."

4. Also, the lack of vegetables makes me feel somewhat unqualified to participate in our parish nursing program as a volunteer. How can I be a parish nurse volunteer if I don't have any vegetables in my house?

5. Seriously though, we are on a very tight budget. We are only this week able to get any Christmas presents for the kids, and thank God the grandparents sent us their generous contributions in time for us to get out there. Jesus is the reason for the season around here by default!

6. I headed downtown for Mass today but with the primary intention of having Confession first. Our downtown parish has a very active sacramental life. There is Confession on the schedule everyday of the week before daily Mass at noon, and while I got there with time to spare, the line stretched along the side of the Cathedral. I participated in Mass until the Consecration when my turn finally arrived. Awkward moment~~get up and get in during the Consecration, or risk the priest leaving the Confessional in spite of my intentions and the one woman in line behind me? I went inside the room with my Confessor as soon as it was remotely appropriate and missed Communion entirely but with acceptance because I wanted Confession so much. It was time, and the Lord will have a more worthy tabernacle in me tomorrow.

7. For some reason, I'm finding great joy in sticking a snowman inside the manger of our advent calendar as we await the birth of our Lord. My husband is not amused and made me take it out when our priest came over for lunch this week and now I can't find it at all! Boo.

Have a great week, everybody.

This month's calendar shot

It has led, needless to say, to some thought-provoking discussions in our house as the children peer at it occasionally with raised eyebrows.

Teaching at Crossroads

Have you seen one of those movies when a hidden cache is found post-apocalypse with all the survivors in the world? I had a similar experience like that last week when I taught my first class to the students at Crossroads, which is the high school in the Anchorage School District for pregnant and parenting teens.

My friend C joined me~~she's a former ER and OB nurse~~and we slipped in the front door into another world. Here was a large area with desks, textbooks, white boards, and every nature of school equipment, but scattered throughout were not only students but babies. Every student bore the mark of suffering~~this was not an easy path by any means~~and their faces reminded me of those survivors mentioned earlier~~hidden away from the rest of the world, emotionally battered but ready and curious for the next step. About 6 of the 20 or so had babies. The rest were at various stages of pregnancy. Their ages ranged from 14 to 19. Diaper bags and breastpumps rested here and there among textbooks.

We began our class on breastfeeding and I instantly fell in love with the place. I felt certain that I could happily work here my whole life. The class went very well and the students were engaged and interactive (I wish I knew the secret because I had a terrible time encouraging interaction among teens in the childbirth classes I used to teach at Crisis Pregnancy Center!). At one point, a student in her first trimester ran out of the room throwing up along the way and lunging into the bathroom. Another teacher followed in after her with a mop and helped her get cleaned up. This was infinitely more useful than "See? This is what you get for being pregnant."

I left the class seriously moved. These young women had a supportive environment in which to finish school and maintain ties with their community during what is so often an isolating experience, even for adults who become parents. The teachers were not patronizing in the least, but in no way downplayed the reality of the students' newfound or upcoming roles in life. I found their candor to be respectful and realistic.

I really can't wait to go back.

Blessings & gratitude

Due to my lack of wireless internet in the house, my blog and all other aspects of my internet life have faded into the background, which has been, shockingly, somewhat of a non-issue (other than not knowing Patrick Swayze died on Monday). I have been enjoying the lack of temptation to spend time online while knowing I should be focusing on other activities, and have also gotten a lot of great reading done!

So much to report, and yet, barely any time to do it. I have about 40 minutes here at the computer lab to accomplish several activities. Just filled out my FAFSA form to get financial aid for school next semester~~have decided to go ahead and do my Bioethics and Statistics classes to get them out of the way, as my clinical training for nursing school will be starting no later than next September.

Alex has decided to seek an apprenticeship on "The Slope," which is what we Alaskans say when refering to the Pipeline out in Prudhoe Bay. We are both very excited, and he has a meeting tomorrow with an advisor who's going to help him get his foot in the door. That's all I know so far...it takes about four years to get through an apprenticeship but you get paid adequately and end up with a very useful vocation at the end of it all.

The kids and I continue to move forward with week 5 of homeschooling. I asked them yesterday how they thought school is going and what would help them in the learning process. Their answers were very thoughtful. Zoya said it's hard to do poetry memorization without her own copy of the poem we are learning. She wants to be able to read along and also read it on her own time to time. So I am going to sit down with them this week and we will make those poetry scrapbooks I intended to do with them but hadn't started yet. Will probably go ahead and copy our future poems as well so they're ready as we get to them. So far, we have memorized "Rain" by Robert Louis Stevenson and "The Owl and the Pussycat" by Edward Lear. Our new piece is Psalm 23 ("The Lord is my shepherd..."). Zoya's response to me was one of those "duh" moments for me as their mother. Of course this would help them. :P

Psalm said he'd rather pray the Rosary than do math. :)

Wolf wants to play more games such as Monopoly and so on.

I found each piece of their feedback to be useful. I want to remember to ask them periodically, as just like us grown-ups, they think about their experiences and consider better options and possibilities.

As much as yesterday kicked my butt (stress, etc), I ended the day (picking up the downstairs, as always) feeling gratitude that: Zoya read the entire Madeline anthology on her own; Psalm came down and prayed the Rosary with me last night; and Wolfgang earned his reward for memorizing "The Owl and the Pussycat," a real test of perseverence for him (he didn't like the process after a short while). It helps to remember these types of successes because we have had a lot of financial stress and it is easy to get wrapped up in the feelings of "wouldn't life be better if only..."

I have come to greatly appreciate the memorization work in the Mother of Divine Grace curriculum. Not only is it deeply acquainting my children with vigorous, unique and intriguing language and language patterns; it is helping us all learn better discipline and perseverence. they are each working hard and wanting each other to succeed also.

That's it for now. Wish I could put some pictures online but that will have to wait until another day. God bless you all!

Last days of summer

I have seen snow hiding in the mountains in the back row of our local range this week. Friday at the State Fair, as I mentioned before, just about froze us right back to our warm car (we stepped out of line to seriously consider whether we had enough clothes on to be there).

Today (Saturday) was an entirely different story. The sun shone and it hit at least 70, but none of us experienced it because we were having a super fun time cleaning the house!

By a quarter to six, we were finally ready to head to Mirror Lake to play. I figured it would still be crowded since it is a weekend day and still light out until fairly late, but we were the only ones there for almost the entire time. Such beauty as fall approaches...the leaves are beginning to change and the mountain's reflection on the water transferred magnificently into these photographs.

Alaska State Fair

Yesterday (Friday) on a whim, I packed the kids up and we headed to the State Fair. It was Kids' Day, so the kids were free, my entrance fee was $10 and we had a free parking pass. We made an agreement that the only money we would spend would be on cotton candy, which, for the life of us, we couldn't find at the fair. So all in all, it was an inexpensive trip with the exception of some obliging packs of Skittles. The weather chilled us to the bone. Wolfgang was a complete bear the entire time. But all in all, a great time was had by almost all of us. Here are some pictures.

Psalm looking dandy at the fairgrounds

Sullen Wolfgang (see below for the story behind this)

The Cavallo Equestrian Team performed and my children were enthralled.

Can you tell that Zoya just sucks the marrow right out of life? She loves...EVERYTHING! :)

A cabbage bigger than my children

Precious goats

Notice that this sweet goat mother is both pregnant AND nursing. And that baby was rather nippy. I could relate.

The view as we left the park...a gloomy, cold, windy day.

So tonight, I got the unfortunate story behind Wolfgang's recent behavior. He has been quite temperamental for the last couple weeks, with a low-lying level of tension very out of character for him. He tends to be a cheerful, optimistic and engaged young man and really only gives me grief over school work. Not that he's perfect, of course, but I know this kid and something's been wrong. Tonight he told me his mouth has been hurting him for a couple weeks. I brought him into the kitchen light and looked at the base of his gums on his lower jaw and they are completely inflamed, with what looks like a tooth trying to burst out of the bottom of them! It looks just like a baby popping out a tooth, except its in very much the wrong place. I sincerely hope I'm wrong and it's just a weird sore or something, but we need to get him checked out at the dentist. Poor, poor baby!

First two weeks of school behind us with only one Mom meltdown

(This is pretty much what Bethany does all morning under the table during homeschool.)

We finished up our second week of school early, taking off Thursday and Friday because Noah leaves on Monday for his dad's house. Both he and I have been more solemn than usual. I am very sad to see him go. :(

I follow a few blogs, and humorously, pretty much all of us homeschooling mothers hit the wall on the same day, struggling with children who were exhibiting bad attitudes and disobedience to the extreme. I had a good long cry in private, quite sure that homeschooling was an incredibly stupid choice...I could be living the high life, relaxing at home while my children do God knows what, as long as it was at school and not in our house. Our home would be magnificently clean, with children messing it up for only a few hours at the end of the day. My voice would be well rested. I could go to daily Mass every single morning without fail. Etc., etc.

Instead, I was having a battle of wills with Wolfgang who claimed I was ruining his life by insisting he practice writing, Psalm who couldn't even believe that Transformers is not a formal part of our school curriculum, and...well, I can't complain about Zoya in any way. She is extremely motivated and helpful. Today, while trying to get out the door, I found that she had dressed the baby in warmer clothes and put a jacket on her. She thinks ahead and finds ways to be helpful.

Alex told me, "Hon, we will have days like this. You don't think every single kindergarten teacher right now in the schools is completely freaking out that they will have this job for the next nine months?" That cracked me up. No kidding. Even our calling can feel like a prison at times.

I took Zoya with me to Mass that afternoon over at St. Patrick's on Muldoon, which has one every weekday at 5:30. I had never been there but had kept it in mind because that timeframe is very appealing. What a treat. Their daily Mass is in a small chapel crowded with fervent parishioners; I loved the green shamrocks on the white vestments. :) Our own priest was the celebrant. It is definitely not Bethany-friendly (one wonderful thing about our church is that we have a "cry room," which is a chapel into which the Mass is transmitted via speakers yet we can be in there with the doors closed while she quietly plays) but for days when I need a later Mass, that one is a much appreciated option.

The readings that day spoke right into my heart, from the book of Matthew:

Jesus said: "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You pay tithes of mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity. But these you should have done, without neglecting the others. Blind guides, who strain out the gnat and swallow the camel! Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, cleanse first the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may be clean." (Mt 23:23-26)

I felt very moved by this reference to the "outside of cup and dish." My failed efforts to force compliance to my rule during school that day humbled me. I wanted my cup (homeschooling) to look a certain way but my children were thwarting my progress. Consequently, I was dealing with them without mercy and feeling unwilling to bend to accomodate their personalities. Somehow, sheep came into the whole thing. I don't remember how this revelation came about, but I left Mass thinking to myself, "I am a sheep, and the children are sheep also. Jesus is the shepherd." My job was not to rule over them but to point to Him and follow Him alongside them.

Altogether, a very tough day. But it was not without grace, as I noticed a distinct shift in my approach thereafter, feeling more faithful and trusting that I can let go of the control, and the changes are instantaneous~~we all work better when Mom is not being a control freak. Shocking, I know.

So, here's how it went the last couple weeks, mother-freak-out notwithstanding. Our original schedule has been adjusted now that we have "lived it." We start with sit-down work: handwriting and math. Then, we head into either literature or history, depending on what day it is. Then, after a break, we all sit down again and work on memorization, music, and the twins' Five-in-a-Row (FIAR).

The kids all memorized Robert Frost's "Rain," most of the first stanza of "The Owl and the Pussycat," and the first 4-8 lines of the Nicene Creed. Wolf has been doing logic and word problems for math as I am waiting for our charter school to let us know when his new curriculum is ready to be picked up. The twins have been independently working on Saxon level 1 with little input from me. We spent two weeks with the first FIAR book, Mirette and the High Wire. I decided to spend two weeks per book because then I have time to read other books with them to complement the FIAR selection. Wolfgang and I read primarily from Our Island Story and Hallelujah Handel. We enjoyed listening to Handel every day.

Noah had free reign in the kitchen and cooked us an outstanding after-school snack every day, often with help from one of the children. The twins spent hours making their own rosaries, pouches and wallets from kits, while Wolfgang custom-designed a rosary using different beads (we haven't actually made it yet). We've also been learning traditional hymns and it's quite precious to hear them become more confident in their ability to sing. Wolf worked with Rosetta Stone (German) and so far, I feel lukewarm about it. The kids did oil changes with Dad. We took a field trip to the AK Museum of Transportation and Industry out in Wasilla which all of us enjoyed for a variety of reasons~~the children enjoyed each and every beat up plane, train and automobile, while I got more caught up by the wall of pioneer aviators and the many black and white photos of dead miners and the like.

One thing noticeable about the last couple weeks was that we were very busy in the afternoons. I look ahead and feel it will be vital to keep our days loose and open, perhaps picking just one day a week in which to do appointments, errands, etc. But life is not going to get any less busy. We have a great deal on the calendar coming up. The kids will have some art classes. Wolf will be doing Boy Scouts (Psalm goes with him); Zoya will be participating in American Heritage Girls while the boys are doing Faith Formation at church, then all three will be doing Catechesis of the Good Shephard on Saturdays, which is like Sunday school except Montessori-based; we're also hoping to be involved with the Chicken Incubation and Embryology club; Alex and the kids will be attending concerts or plays on many Fridays this year while I am leading a table at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). I feel I'm forgetting some things...oh! I'm hoping to secure some pet turtles to supplement our Minn of the Mississippi studies.

On one hand, I feel trepidation at all this busyness. On the other hand, it will be very good for us to get out of the house and around other people. In fact, I practically cried at the American Heritage Girls parent meeting. We were so socially plugged in to our old church but that is really not the case with our new one. To hang out with other grown-ups and their kids made me feel so thankful that we will have lots of interaction not too long from now. I like being with people. :) Who knew I was such a socialite?

The thing about summer here is that everything comes to a halt. All the regular activities that happen go from September until May. Then, families scatter to travel, camp, and so on. By this time of year, I feel more than ready to get back in the swing of things. Here are some pictures.

Jesus light

Found this quote while perusing this blog:

Jesus light doesn’t burn us into nothingness. Instead it burns away the useless things. Our goal is to live always in that light – and though the daily purgation to have a more-pure life until we, too, become that light. This is the Christian teaching on salvation: to follow the light until we become the light. That is our work here, that is our work in other times and places as well, as we move from Glory to Glory.

Jesus as God-Man did not seek to make us, as some would have it, Godly Men. By this they mean, usually, good citizens who are moral and trustworthy and mow their lawns properly. When I hear “Godly Men” mentioned in a sermon, it usually means some sort of Eisenhower-era image of Apple Pie and a Flag. In other cultures the totems will change, but the position is the same. It’s easy to reject this – as so many in the world rightly do – not because we fail as often as we do, but because it is shallow. This largely protestant, largely American (based on solid European roots) idea is sipped by millions the world over and found wanting. They can be prim and proper (and terribly boring) on their own, thank you.

Jesus did not come to make us “Godly Men”, but rather to infuse humanity with God. The God we had exiled came among us as one of us in order that the same God might dwell within us and make us – body and soul – one with him. This is far more exciting, far more dangerous, far more salvific. The path is just there.

Are You making me nothing or using me for something?

I wrote and published this way back on the 23rd. Then, I promptly took it down. Now, I've decided to go ahead and place this in the "Posts That Make Me Feel Squeamish and Vulnerable" category. Lord, have mercy!

*****

I love blogging...it is a pleasurable way to spend time, and I have a lot of it after the kids go to bed. My husband works until around 2 in the morning so, once the kids are in bed, I have some hours (hopefully...provided I don't crash on the couch) to do some writing and other pursuits. My blog has never "hit it big;" I don't have a huge amount of readers. I get some comments here and there but never the large amount I once envisioned, as it is so enjoyable to interact with readers.

So why make the blog private? Why, when the winter is quickly approaching and I soon get to use my winter template! With the snow! (I love my winter template.)

The answer is, frankly, "God said so."

It might sound downright bizarre to think that I'm basing my life decisions on that vague concept of "the voice of God." I think of all the many years I spent planning my life out, writing down the specific steps to accomplish any particular plan. When was the last time I did that? Do my "40 Things" count? And yet, how full, how rich this life has become, in stark contrast to what I was formerly making it. Thank you God.

The other day, I had the pleasure of meeting fellow blogger Sarah for coffee. We had met before but had never spent any time speaking in person, though I absolutely love her blog. She has a great talent for expressing her spirituality with clarity, and it turns out this talent extends to her verbal skills in addition to her writing.

Sarah made two statements in particular to which I could fervently relate. The first is that "The more I follow God, the more uncertain I am about what will come next for me and the more peace I have in that uncertainty." I totally related to that statement. I have, simply, ceased trying to "get" what's coming next. I know what God has given me to know thus far, and I know the limits of my own knowledge about the future. I thought for sure I'd be heading into nurse-midwifery after nursing school, for instance. Now, the only thing I know for sure is that I need to stay committed to doing the program. That's it. And I'm totally okay with that.

The second comment she made just cracked me up. "The voice of God doesn't get louder, but it doesn't shut up either."

"Did you just say that God's voice 'doesn't shut up'?!" I asked in amusement and a little bit of shock.

This is so true! The voice of God doesn't shut up. Ever considerate. Always loving. VERY insistent. Doesn't go away. Doesn't fade out...it may not be a voice at all but it is penetrating above other thoughts and has this undeniable sense of rightness. At least, in my experience.

So even though I really would rather more people read my blog, not less, I'm going to make it private. But am I totally at peace with the decision? Not yet.

It's not because I don't have faith that this is for the best. I absolutely know that He has something new and different in store for me and that it will glorify Him.

But my lack of peace is because these last few months have been about breaking down pride in me. And my questions become, "Are You making me nothing, Lord? Or are you going to use me for something?"

I want to be okay with either answer. But my human self is kind of hoping that GOD WANTS TO MAKE ME A FAMOUS AUTHOR! OR RICH! Kind of like Anne Rice after she consecrated her writing to God, which is what I did not too long ago also.

As I sit with these questions and squirm with all they imply, I realize that consecrating one's abilities to God will result in an answer of "yes" to each of those questions. Yes, He is making me nothing. Yes, He is using me for something. It feels vulnerable to let go of my own will here. There's self-consciousness also. I will appear inconsistent. I will annoy people with my inability to stand up for myself. My ego is railing and, most of the time, that's rather how I want it to be. But ouch.

An altogether relaxed day

I overslept and consequently let the kids overslept. Then I rethought this whole "wake the kids up and get the day going at a decent hour" concept and decided I should probably stick with it. But how wonderful these mornings are when we all get around to getting up at some point and then enjoy a relaxing morning together. Do I seriously need to condition the children to wake up with gusto and be productive as soon as humanly possible? Ick. Especially when Alex and I don't do that at all...my husband works nights so he sleeps in late. I certainly have no interest in waking up early like I used to, back when it was biologically feasible.

So we got up, worked on handwriting~~I am so proud of Wolfgang. His handwriting looks beautiful, even if he hates using it. Then we started our new history program. The History Links program begins with a month-long unit on the study of history itself, which we dug into today. We discussed:

• The definition of history~~Wolfgang looked it up in the dictionary.
• Why is it important?
• What can we learn from studying history?
• How do we capture a record of events without a camera? How have people done so throughout the centuries? (Psalm mentioned church tradition, which pleased me. Especially with our recent conversion, I feel close to this topic right now of the importance of church tradition in conveying church teachings~~a living history.)
• The definition of "chronological"~~we started our root word notebook and wrote down chrono~, discussing words such as chronicle and chronic.
• I pulled out a dozen photographs from many different periods of our family life and their project was to arrange them chronologically. Consequently, we had some marvelous "real life" dilemmas about how to identify what happened when, who was in the picture (all our kids have looked very much alike at different times!) and so on.
• Wolfgang arranged the Pacific Coast state flashcards chronologically, based on their entrance into the Union. In spite of myself, I am forced to acknowledge that these flashcards are awesome!
  

Around this point, we all took a break, ate lunch together and decided to take advantage of today's scrumdiddlyumptious weather. My favorite park is now without a doubt Loretta French park. It has everything a kid could want: hills to climb on, rambling trails atop them which remain visible to the tiny speck of a parent below, two playground structures, a see-saw which works even with just one person, rock forts, a maze of an empty parking lot for bike riding, and sprawling views of Turnagain Arm. I'm pretty sure I could live there if we had an RV.

Once at home, Wolfgang couldn't believe that he had to do more studies. As he told his neighborhood friend, "Mom's made me be in school all day!" Yes, Wolfgang. For two whole hours. And now we're going to do a whole other hour." Sigh. He scowled his way through word problems and then we began reading Minn of the Mississippi about a snapping turtle who hatches from an egg in Minnesota and heads down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. In spite of himself, Wolf loved what we read. I adore Holling C. Holling's writings. I couldn't believe that Wolf didn't get more interested in Paddle to the Sea last year (what's not to like about a young boy carving a little man in a canoe out of wood and sending it down the river to the sea?), but this one has grabbed his attention. We're using it for both our geography and science studies this month.

In the meantime, Noah and Zoya made cinnamon puffs from scratch, complete with Crisco. (I'm pretty sure he's trying to kill me.) THEY WERE AWESOME!! We also read more of Hallelujah Handel and listened to Messiah again. I thinks that's it. Full day. Then the kids headed outside for more freedom from their mother's insistence that they get educated.

Handy life skills

Daddy and the kids did their first oil change this week.


Also, Zoya and Noah learned how to pull the pin bones out of salmon fillets, a vital life skill in these parts. :)

Truce, treaty, and learning style

All in all, a successful first week of school. Wolfgang and I had one major blow-up at each other; thereafter, we decided that, should we ever do that again, I will give up coffee for two days and he will not be able to go to his friends' house for the first two times he asks.

This particular blow-up pertained to math. Math has always been a sore spot for us. It's not that he can't do it. He gets it pretty easily, but he just can't stand the fact that I sit him down to do it. I started to suspect that the reason he dislikes it is because it is compulsory and he can't be very independent with it~~we have a "hands-on" parental interaction program (Saxon) and I started to wonder whether another program might permit him to learn more "on his own," rather than me teaching him.

After posing the question to my online support groups, about 7 people offered that Math-U-See has allowed their students to be very independent, watching a DVD lesson and doing work independently. I think that may be right up his alley...not that we have a TV/DVD player anymore, but we do have the computer and I'm sure he will appreciate being able to sit in front of it for a period of time to watch something. It's been awhile. :)

Another thing I learned about him this week resulted from our learning profile testing that we did for the three school-age children to learn more about their styles, motivations, etc. Our homeschool charter school offers this on a voluntary basis and we decided to take advantage of it. Wolfgang tested as a 44% visual learner, 44% audio learner, and just 12% tactile, or something like that. (I don't have the paperwork in front of me.) The child gets extremely distracted by the many social opportunities around him with his siblings (it was far worse when it was 20 other students at school) and the DVD will probably be enough to dominate his attention span in a useful way. We're taking the plunge and switching programs.

I haven't entirely studied the many reams of information pertaining to their test results, but I also felt very reassured to learn more about Psalm. Psalm is our very independent learner, above and beyond the other children. He resists interaction when learning something new. He taught himself to read entirely on his own, actively pushing me away until I caught him reading a whole book from beginning to end aloud. Turns out, he reads at a 3rd grade level. GO, PSALM! I'm very proud of him, even though I feel like I had so little to do with it. :) Apparently, he tested as someone who stays in the background and observes first before actively engaging in something new. I really appreciated hearing this. I KNEW this about him, but hadn't really put it into words and it worried me that possibly I wouldn't be able to work well with him in the homeschool capacity. Since what he's doing is working for him, I feel like I have the "permission," so to speak, to quit worrying and just let him do it his way.

Finally, I learned that Zoya (age 5) is reading at the 8th grade level. WHOA! I knew she was skilled but this rather shocked me. They informed me that I will need to "make sure she's challenged." hahaha! No kidding. I know this already...in addition to her temperamental craziness and extreme physical affection (we get tackled practically to the point of falling on a regular basis) she has no limit to what she will sit down and try to learn. She has almost learned how to play Solitaire with a deck of cards at this point...has real strategy with card games, and usually kicks my butt with a true poker face, quietly placing down her final card with a little smile.

I think that's it for now...my hubby just got home and I am sneaking in this last line before being wifey.

Getting back into the swing of things

After three days, I continue to feel satisfied with our schedule, process, curricula, etc. Possibly this is because I am more confident this year and can see the "bigger picture," and partly this is because we don't have to get out the door to get the twins to preschool. The mornings have been far more relaxed. I am waking the kids up at 8. Then, once they're dressed and so on, the schedule looks like this from 9-1. (After that, the kids are free to play, read, work on crafts/projects, etc.)

Monday

• Religion
• Memorization/Handwriting
• Mathematics
• History
• Geography/Mapwork
• Skating

Tuesday/Thursday

• Religion
• Memorization/Handwriting
• Literature
• Five-in-a-Row (Social Studies, Art, Science, Math, Language Arts ~ varies according to day)
  
• German
• Practice recorder

Wednesday/Friday

• Mass
• Memorization/Handwriting
• Five in a Row
• Art/Music appreciation
• Handiwork/carpentry
• Skating

We didn't get to German this week because I need to install our Rosetta Stone software. Handiwork this week consists of Alex and the kids doing oil changes on the trucks (they are shopping for equipment right now). A book we are loving right now is Hallelujah Handel, augmented by frequent rousing and loud tracks from Messiah. "Are you CRYING, Mom?!?" If only I could keep it together...lol

Homeschooling with a personal chef

Our first day of the new school year went smoothly.
I think that's all I have the energy to write right now. :)
More later.

Schedule:

• Catechism/Prayer (using "Living with Christ")
• Memorization and handwriting ("Rain" by Robert Louis Stevenson, "The Owl and the Pussycat" by Edward Lear, and the Nicene Creed)
• Literature (surprisingly, Our Island Story. I was all revved up and super excited to start The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, but Wolfgang wanted to go with Island. Hard to argue when they're both awesome but O how I love a religious allegory)
• Five in a Row (Mirette and the High Wire; focused on social studies lesson, which pertained to perseverance, occupations, goals, etc.)
• Math (counting money using this link)
• Music (Franz Joseph Haydn)

Wolfgang also worked on his "Battle of Britain" board game that he's creating. Noah cooked a huge pot of soup for us from scratch. The baby charmed us with her cuteness. Great day! Good night. :)

School starts tomorrow!

While some of my friends don't plan to start their school year until mid-September to reap as much of this glorious summer as possible, I feel relieved and grateful that we have committed to starting tomorrow.

Last year when we pulled our first grader out of public school and began homeschooling him, the time between the decision and the event was fairly short and I didn't enter into the process feeling very organized. Mostly, that was because we were new at it, didn't have as much information about the different curricula available to us, and hadn't honed in on a specific philosophy or vision. One might question whether this was the best way to start homeschooling~~by jumping right in. But we felt urgently that taking him out of school and plopping him back into the family was the right step and the rest would get worked out. It did, and I almost felt sad to start our summer break this year, for about 20 minutes or so.

This year, I feel incredibly relaxed. I have the year planned out. I feel comfortable with the spontaneity of it all~~as in, when all plans go out the window, I have confidence that our children will still continue to learn, grow and process. We have honed in on what is important to us for each of our children. Now, once we get back into it, perhaps I will look back on this day and laugh. But all in all, I feel ready.

And I'm quite sure that our children are ready! This summer has been wonderful and we still have plans to take advantage of it. But life works so much better in our family when we have more, not less, of a schedule.

So today we finished shopping for school supplies and spent at least an extra half hour in accident-related traffic while driving back to our home. The blue sky and bright sun sang to us as we approached our town amidst the sulking hunger-related growls from a couple of the children. So I did what any other frugal zealot would do and picked up a pizza. We headed to the park and plopped down on our blankets, basking in the sun. I called it a pre-school party (not to be confused with "preschool party," they were quick to point out), just to get them hyped up a bit. We even had ice cream once we got home~~unheard of after 4 in the afternoon~~and had a great big prayer session while holding hands in our tiny little kitchen.

This post has mostly been about "I, I, I." How about I give you the children's perspective? Psalm and Zoya are thrilled to begin school again tomorrow. Wolfgang has decided that life couldn't get any worse and that 24 hour breaks are the only way he will agree to move forward. Bethany plans to have fun and get away with sitting on the table as much as possible. Noah is meal-planning for us (he loves cooking) and looking for ways to participate. So, 4 out of 5 hearts are on board, which isn't bad. :)

Happy birthday to my hubby.

He and I were both commenting today on how sore our poor arms were after our bowling game yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY!! Can't wait for our next Uno extravaganza.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jesus' birth story~~on this Feast of the Assumption of Mary

From Revelation 12

1A great and wondrous sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. 2She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. 3Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on his heads. 4His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born. 5She gave birth to a son, a male child, who will rule all the nations with an iron scepter. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. 6The woman fled into the desert to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

7And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. 8But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. 9The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

10Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

"Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
12Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short."

13When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. 14The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the desert, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent's reach. 15Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. 16But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. 17Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring—those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus.

Alaska Native Heritage Center

We've had family in town for the last week until today and it has been hectic but lots of fun!

Okay, I'll be honest...my baby has been a clingy wreck who just cries unless I'm holding her...that is, until I'm out of sight, at which point she completely silences and becomes the adorable and smiling infant we all know and love. Then there were the power struggles with my children who seemed to want to prove just how much they could get away with while completely ridding themselves of manners and any and all rules associated with our home. I'll be glad when school starts! Although I'm wondering if it's too late to ditch all our homeschooling plans and just go with the boarding school option?

Exhale. Alright, thank you for letting me get that off my chest. All in all, the kids have been doing just fine and it hasn't been nearly chaotic as perhaps that last paragraph...well, blatantly indicated. We thought this was very cute. The boys had a huge table all to themselves (except for our various piles) and still they insisted on snuggling up together on one bench.

Tonight, the most shocking thing happened. WE WERE ABLE TO SEE OUR BREATH. At 7 at night! And it's very dark outside. I'm thinking autumn has arrived. Here we plunge, into the long, cold, dark winter. My theory about how it has been so hot all summer that there couldn't possibly be snow here ever again is breaking apart!

Yesterday we visited the Alaska Native Heritage Center for the first time with Alex's family. The Center consists of a stage and visitor hall where dance and art demonstrations take place. Outside is a lake surrounded by different examples of homes and artifacts created by the different Native tribes. The children were riveted by the dancers who graced us with their many offerings. Here are some pictures and a film clip.

A romantic date!

My darling husband and I went on a DATE tonight! We had a sushi dinner, then traveled a few doors down to have drinks and dessert. Then we took a walk and enjoyed the rain. I can't remember the last time we had a lovely date. Our last attempts were pretty meager and, as much as we know we should prioritize this type of thing, it doesn't happen as often as it should. May tonight be the start of something GREAT! :)

Thank you God.

A very intimate day. My husband and I renewed our marriage vows. Also, I received Holy Communion and Confirmation. Three of our children were baptized. Our precious Lord has blessed us beyond measure.

Pondering the whole spectrum

Today, Wolfgang went from saying this:

"Mom, I just can't help but think how everything is awesome."

to this:

"Sometimes I want to dissect one of our fish just to see how small its guts are."

Lots to think about when you're a 7-year-old.

Hatcher Pass ~ August 9, 2009

My parents flew up from California this weekend so we hit the road and headed out to Willow to drive through Hatcher Pass. Unlike the paved road from Wasilla, this particular one features dirt the entire way, a jarring ride which left our teeth chattering. The views made up for it all yet I do not have pictures of the view, as I was driving at the time.

There is a point where even a steep dirt road, with all its sense of adventure, becomes overwhelming. Just as we reached that point, a massive fog bank rolled in, leaving us feeling slightly disoriented as the steep road continued but the surroundings disappeared into white. Finally, we reached the mine and enjoyed taking in the sights. In spite of our rattled bones, we all felt appreciative to have traveled that route because the way back down the other side consisted of mostly fog.

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ The sadly spoonless edition

~~1~~

I started the dishwasher before getting out an ice cream spoon. A shocking lack of foresight...can I use a fork?

~~2~~

My father and stepmother flew up today! I haven't seen them yet but they got in late tonight and we will be seeing them tomorrow. What a gift. My hubby's parents are also getting ready to come up on Sunday.

~~3~~

The darlings picked dozens of crabapples today and expect me to do something with them. Besides throw them away.

~~4~~

Amazing weather! First summer here where I feel like we're getting "enough." I'm pretty sure it will never snow here again.

~~5~~

At the park this afternoon, I spun on the spinning seat (for some incredibly stupid reason) and felt like I was going to throw up for at least 15 minutes thereafter. Why does that happen? I have no stomach at all even for watching something turn around. Does our vestibular system start to atrophy?

~~6~~

One thing I love about where we live is how cars driving past my bike-riding children will slow to a crawl and move completely out of the lane and into the opposing one whenever possible, just to give them room. Compared to how it used to be in Los Angeles, where we could stand at a crosswalk for about 10 minutes waiting for cars to stop driving (I know none of you would do that though) it is such a blessing each and every time I see it happen.

~~7~~

So how are you all feeling about school starting? I spoke with a mom today and we both agreed that summer goals are the bane of our lives, a self-imposed guilt trip centering around an impossibility. Next year, I resolve to resolve absolutely nothing about our summer. School will come when it comes.

Reasons I Love Catholicism (part 2)

6. The Eucharist ~ This is, in my estimation, the most radical difference between Catholics and non-Catholics (other than Orthodox). As early as 155 A.D., Justin Martyr described the belief of the early church that the bread and wine of the Eucharist became the body and blood of Jesus Christ in actuality.

"...And this food is called among us Eucharist, of which no one is allowed to partake but the man who believes that the things which we teach are true, and who has been washed with the washing that is for the remission of sins, and unto regeneration, and who is so living as Christ has enjoined. For not as common bread and common drink do we receive these; but in like manner as Jesus Christ our Saviour, having been made flesh by the Word of God, had both flesh and blood for our salvation, so likewise have we been taught that the food which is blessed by the prayer of His word, and from which our blood and flesh by transmutation are nourished, is the flesh and blood of that Jesus who was made flesh. For the apostles, in the memoirs composed by them, which are called Gospels, have thus delivered unto us what was enjoined upon them; that Jesus took bread, and when He had given thanks, said, 'This do ye in remembrance of Me, this is My body;' and that, after the same manner, having taken the cup and given thanks, He said, 'This is My blood;' and gave it to them alone." (bold mine)

Bread of life is a persistent thread throughout the Bible, one which is present in both the Old and New Testaments. God provides manna to the Israelites, for instance. Jesus multiplied loaves and referred to Himself as the bread of life. There are many more examples than just these. When I became more acquainted with the account in John 6 about the ways His disciples abandoned Jesus because of His teachings about "eating [His] flesh" and "drinking [His] blood" I realized Jesus was being completely literal. Had He been speaking symbolically, no one would have batted an eye.

I am the bread of life. ⁴⁹Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. ⁵⁰But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. ⁵¹I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."

⁵²Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?"

⁵³Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. ⁵⁴Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. ⁵⁵For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. ⁵⁶Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. ⁵⁷Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. ⁵⁸This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever." ⁵⁹He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.

⁶⁰On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"

⁶¹Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, "Does this offend you? ⁶²What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! ⁶³The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. ⁶⁴Yet there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. ⁶⁵He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."

⁶⁶From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6)

I used to be very offended that I could not receive Holy Communion as a non-Catholic. I see it differently now~~as in, Why should I have? It was just a piece of bread to me. This really can be a "hard teaching" although I confess I have not had a problem accepting it. (My struggles are in other areas!) My time with the Blessed Sacrament~~the Body of Christ~~is the most fruitful experience I have ever had. It is, frankly, not that big of a leap to go from believing in the Resurrection to believing in transubstantiation~~that Jesus' Word, "This is my body," miraculously changes the bread into His body.

Many martyrs living within only a couple hundred years of Jesus' life referred specifically to the Eucharist as the Flesh and Blood (with capital letters). In fact, they were willing to be tortured and die rather than renounce this belief. "Newer" is not always "better" when we have such strong witness attesting to these practices and beliefs of the early church. For me, personally, this doctrine tied together so much from Scripture into a tangible reality here and now, a physical actuality.

7. Confession ~ "Out loud and in person"; I thought I was doing confession. I spoke to God in my mind and confessed to Him frequently. Occasionally, I'd be blessed with the opportunity to do so in person with a trusted soul who happened to show up at the right place and the right time, wherein it would just "flow," but this was not a typical occurrence...it was more an "every now and then" occurrence.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, in Life Together, about a sense I was getting about my "every now and then" confessions:

Why is it that it is often easier for us to confess our sins to God than to a brother? God is holy and sinless, He is a just judge of evil and the enemy of all disobedience. But a brother is sinful as we are. He knows from his own experience the dark night of secret sin. Why should we not find it easier to go to a brother than to the holy God? But if we do, we must ask ourselves whether we have not often been deceiving ourselves with our confession of sin to God, whether we have not rather been confessing our sins to ourselves and granting ourselves absolution. And is not the reason perhaps for our countless relapses and the feebleness of our Christian obedience to be found precisely in the fact that we are living on self-forgiveness and not real forgiveness? (115-116)

While my socks are already knocked off by this statement, I also find this one so very compelling:

In confession occurs the breakthrough to the Cross. The root of all sin is pride, superbia. I want to be my own law, I have a right to my self, my hatred and my desires, my life and my death. The mind and flesh of man are set on fire by pride; for it is precisely in his wickedness that man wants to be as God. Confession in the presence of a brother is the profoundest kind of humiliation. It hurts, it cuts a man down, it is a dreadful blow to pride. To stand there before a brother as a sinner is an ignominy that is almost unbearable. In the confession of concrete sins the old man dies a painful, shameful death before the eyes of a brother. Because this humiliation is so hard we continually scheme to evade confessing to a brother. Our eyes are so blinded that they no longer see the promise and glory in such abasement. (113-114)

I can't say I entirely agree with Bonhoeffer's take on things. He goes on to write at a later point of the "danger [which] concerns the confessant."

For the salvation of his soul let him guard against ever making a pious work of his confession. If he does so, it will become the final, most abominable, vicious, and impure prostitution of the heart; the act becomes an idle, lustful babbling. Confession as a pious work is an invention of the devil. It is only God's offer of grace, help, and forgiveness that could make us dare to enter the abyss of confession. We can confess solely for the sake of the promise of absolution. Confession as a routine duty is spiritual death; confession in reliance upon the promise is life. The forgiveness of sins is the sole ground and goal of confession. (120)

The reference to "routine duty" makes me suspect that Bonhoeffer is referring to the regular practice of the Sacrament of Penance ("confession") in the Catholic church, but this could just be narcissistic of me. Probably he's referring to an attitude of the heart which, no matter which denomination one practices, forms the basis of one's authenticity in the faith walk. One can be participating in Confession out of "routine duty" or one can be doing so with a joyful acknowledgment that, as Bonhoeffer puts it, "what happened to us in baptism is bestowed upon as anew in confession" (115). Likewise, one can "stumble upon" a confession with a brother or sister out of a friendly sense of mutual divulgence or one can do so with an outpouring of humility and repentance.

Personally, I am thankful for the "institutionalization" of Confession in the Church. I really am. My confession does not have to be hit or miss and it doesn't have to continue to reside in the safety of the private. I find myself more accountable and, at the end of the day, looking back at where I fell short and also how God is working on me and what He is changing. Saying the confession aloud is completely humbling, but so is receiving the words of Jesus~~that the sins are forgiven.


8. Purgatory ~ My friend Jenna asked me once, "Purgatory is Scriptural?" As in, "No way!" There's no way such a bizarre vision of the afterlife could actually be taken seriously or have any Scriptural foundation~~at least, that's how I looked at it. After looking into this concept, though, I found it explained a lot, particularly about those parts of Scripture that didn't seem to connect with the teaching that, when you die, you either go immediately to heaven or hell.

On a "basic" level (is any of this stuff basic? :) it makes sense that, even though saved, my soul must be purified once and for all before entering Heaven (Revelation 21:27 states that "nothing impure will ever enter it"). There is much Scripture pertaining to the judgment occuring at death (see Matthew 12:36, for instance, where Jesus states that "men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken," among many other examples) and based on that example alone, I don't get the impression that Jesus is exempting anyone from this. In fact, how can God when He is entirely just? We should be honored that God brings us into a state of worthiness to be received by Him. It couldn't happen without Jesus but it still has to happen.

In 1 Corinthians 3:10-15, Paul writes,

¹⁰By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. ¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹²If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. ¹⁴If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. ¹⁵If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

Notice how Paul discusses how, through God's grace, he "laid a foundation" and not only is "someone else building on it," but "each one" is building on it. There is an accountability asserted here, leading perhaps to a difficult process of being saved, a purification, "as one escaping through the flames."

One of the books of the Catholic Bible which has since been removed from Protestant Bibles writes about an atonement for the dead:

But under the tunic of each of the dead they found amulets sacred to the idols of Jamnia, which the law forbids the Jews to wear. So it was clear to all that this was why these men had been slain.

They all therefore praised the ways of the Lord, the just judge who brings to light the things that are hidden.

Turning to supplication, they prayed that the sinful deed might be fully blotted out. The noble Judas warned the soldiers to keep themselves free from sin, for they had seen with their own eyes what had happened because of the sin of those who had fallen.

He then took up a collection among all his soldiers, amounting to two thousand silver drachmas, which he sent to Jerusalem to provide for an expiatory sacrifice. In doing this he acted in a very excellent and noble way, inasmuch as he had the resurrection of the dead in view;

for if he were not expecting the fallen to rise again, it would have been useless and foolish to pray for them in death.

But if he did this with a view to the splendid reward that awaits those who had gone to rest in godliness, it was a holy and pious thought.

Thus he made atonement for the dead that they might be freed from this sin. (2 Maccabees 12:40-46)

1 Peter 3:19-20 contains a somewhat startlingly specific reference to Jesus "preaching to the spirits in prison" which, lest we think refers to actual living human beings in prison, he clarifies to mean those "who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built."

Personally, I appreciate being able to pray for the dead. Praying for the dead is a pretty substantial part of Catholic prayer. It's new to me as a fledgling Catholic but it's also a relief and it makes sense to me, because the souls of the departed are most urgent need of salvation. Interestingly, the Catholic Church defines the "communion of saints" as referring to 1) the souls in heaven, 2) the souls journeying toward heaven on earth and 3) the souls in purgatory.

"We believe in the communion of all the faithful of Christ, those who are pilgrims on earth, the dead who are being purified, and the blessed in heaven, all together forming one Church..." (Catechism, P962)

9. The celibate priesthood ~ I used to think this was creepy and weird. And who isn't slightly fascinated by it? But now I'm mostly in awe. What a sacrificial life. And all this on my behalf, so I can receive the Sacraments and so the priest can be the father to the entire parish.


10. Veneration of Mary ~ I recently wrote in my post on the Rosary,

[Mary] states, "Generations will call me blessed." So calling her "blessed" is appropriate and, one could argue, "compulsory," in a Biblical kind of way.

...During the wedding feast at Cana (John 2), Mary told the servants in reference to Jesus, "Do whatever he tells you." Revelation 12 describes the crowning of Mary as the Queen of Heaven and refers to "her offspring—those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus." This is further reiterated in John's account of the crucifixion, where he describes how Jesus says to his disciple, "Here is your mother," and from that time on, the disciple "took her into his home" (John 19:27). Finally, we are told to "Honor thy father and mother," and Revelation 12 states that she is our mother (since we are her offspring).

I found these examples from Scripture to be very compelling reasons to consider Mary as our spiritual mother. I ask people to pray for me, so why wouldn't I ask Mary?

Reading Revelation 12 was a big moment for me. I came away from it feeling like I had somehow overlooked this precious gift to me in the form of a spiritual mother.

In the meantime, my eyes are burning...I'm very tired. I need to sleep now and I think I will go ahead and click on "publish." Good night.